I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
