dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize