so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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