We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
