I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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