i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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