I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
