So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
