I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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