I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
