i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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