i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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