come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize
