once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
How does it feel to date your dad?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
