my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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