The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
