Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
