I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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