the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
