i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
