it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Randomize
