I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
