9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
