i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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