You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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