She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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