I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
