and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
