So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
