please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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