im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
