I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
