I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
