Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
