Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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