dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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