Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
COCAINE IS GR8
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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