i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
