Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
