I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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