he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
my penis made a compromise with my morals
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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