capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
