Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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