i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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