isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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