Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
