I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You may now shotgun with the bride
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
