so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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