Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
