that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
