Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
