using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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