I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
