Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
