maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize