Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
