I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
