Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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