you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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