I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
