if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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