she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
