So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
