U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
