Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
