ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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