That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
