Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
