I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
