Soap is not a condiment
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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