Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
